Helen’s Journey
Vagina Vagina Vagina … foofinator, foof, flower, fanny, flu, muff, box, I could go on and on.
Why do I find it so difficult to call my Vagina a Vagina. I had a discussion with some female friends, it wasn’t just me, we all agreed that something had happened to make this word so unsayable but what? My own mother, who was a nurse, called it a “front bottom” which seemed, for her, to cover the whole of the female anatomy.
One of my friends suggested that if we kept saying the word Vagina repeatedly then it would get easier.
May 2024, I discovered a small lump on the entrance to my foof, flower, fanny, flu, muff, box – for ease of reference from hereon in I will call it my Vagina. I made an appointment with my GP who examined me – he is not much older than my son … uncomfortable… absolutely - I was - he wasn’t.
He called in one of the receptionists as a chaperone as the nurse was busy with another patient. Whilst I was being examined the receptionist, and I chatted about the weather!
He found the lump immediately and made a rapid access referral to the Women’s Hospital in Liverpool which meant I would be seen within 2 weeks. I got my appointment and saw a Consultant Gynaecologist who could not find “the lump” and told me that all he could see were vascular changes due to my age (57) I did not have cancer, and he would not be referring me for a biopsy. This is a very succinct account of my appointment which was not a pleasant experience but for the purposes of this story I do not wish to elaborate further other than to say I walked away feeling upset, silly, uncomfortable, not confident in his diagnosis, but relieved it wasn’t cancer.
Feeling unhappy and still having the lump in my vagina, six weeks later, and the possibility of it being there forever, I returned to my GP. I wanted the lump removed even if it was considered not to be cancerous. I had wondered that if it had been the Consultant with a lump on his Willy, Old Man, Dick, Penis, I’m sure he would have wanted it removed.
My GP was surprised and annoyed that a biopsy had not been taken. I would have to go through the process again. A further rapid access appointment was made. This time I was seen by a Nurse Practitioner. She examined me and confirmed that I would need the lump removing and that I had a polyp on my cervix which they could remove at the same time.
August 2024 “the lump” and polyp were removed under a general anaesthetic. The surgeon before the operation had informed me that it would not be cancer as vaginal cancer was extremely rare. I was very happy to hear this.
It was a day case job, and I had been told that when I wake up, I would just need to go for a wee, something to eat and a drink and I would be out of there. That was my plan. One Digestive, a cup of tea and a wee later the discharge nurse confirmed I was good to go. She told me that I had laser treatment and that I could carry on as normal with the usual precautions. I returned home, after a few days when washing I could feel something like thread. I positioned a mirror so I could take a look and saw that I had been stitched and quite significantly. The discharge information I was given was incorrect.
I assumed that all was well as I didn’t hear anything until the end of September 2024 some 4 weeks after the operation. I received a telephone call from the Consultant who had performed the surgery. It was two days before we were flying out to Ibiza to celebrate my son’s wedding. She informed me that I had a rare form of Vaginal cancer. Malignant Melanoma. It was extremely aggressive, and she was very sorry. She assured me that nothing would happen within a 2-week period, and I made the decision to go to my son’s wedding which, was amazing and the best decision I could have ever made. The day after my return I had appointments, CT and MRI scans, an ultrasound of the lymph nodes in my groin showed that they were normal size and appeared ok.
The CT and MRI scans also came back clear. A decision was made to excise the part of my Vagina around the area where the lesion had originally grown and to remove the sentinel nodes in my groin. Thereafter I would commence some form of cancer treatment. I had the operation in December 2024 and made a great recovery. I must stress that the care I have received since my diagnosis from both the Liverpool Women’s Hospital and Liverpool Clatterbridge Cancer Centre has been incredible. I am also very fortunate to have a fabulous GP surgery; they have been amazing.
I started Immunotherapy in February 2025 at the Liverpool Clatterbridge Cancer Centre. I had further CT and MRI scans which I have every 3 months going forward.
Unfortunately, “the lump” grew back and a further lesion had also grown a little deeper into the vagina. The CT scan also showed that one of the lymph nodes deep inside my pelvis was enlarged and they suspected that it was the melanoma. I had further surgery to remove the lumps and the lymph node chain in mid-May.
However, before the operation I noticed that one of the lumps had shrunk significantly. It is hoped that this is because of the Immunotherapy starting to take effect. The lumps and nodes have been sent to histology. I await the results; the Oncologists are hopeful that they will see mostly dead cells and that the Immunotherapy is working. It is an anxious time waiting for results. Waiting has been one of most difficult aspects since the diagnosis. I have become accustomed to the phrase “scanxiety” which sums it up perfectly.
I have always been a fit and healthy woman. I am strong and have had many life experiences. I taught Yoga for 20 years and in the previous 5 years specialised in Menopause and Pelvic Yoga. I have led and been part of open and difficult conversations with people and yet I still didn’t feel able to question the Consultant who dismissed me or refer to my vagina as my vagina.
I would urge everyone – not just women – men too. If you are not happy and feel something is not right, pursue it. Don’t just accept what you are told, ask questions and do your own research. I would also urge everyone to check out their Vaginas and Penis’. We check our breasts and other body parts. Get your mirrors out and have a good look and a good feel. I didn’t have any symptoms at all other than noticing the lump.
I am integrating holistic therapies alongside my conventional cancer treatment. I practice yoga, walk, exercise regularly and follow a healthy diet. In the past I had been a keen runner with some of my great friends, we all keep each other motivated to get out in all weathers, although lately there has been more walking than running.We are “running” Helvellyn Trail run on 8 th November, which is also my 59 th birthday, there will be a gang of us my husband, daughter, son and daughter in law, and my friends. It will be a great challenge.
Along with my amazing family and friends having challenges and things to look forward to are very important to keep a positive mindset and stay determined that I will make a full recovery to continue my adventures with Ross, my best mate and husband for the last 40 years.
The work the Lady Garden Foundation is doing is so important to break all those taboos around language and self-exploration by helping women to get to know their bodies, to be properly informed enabling them to be confident, strong and assertive.
